I have a friend in Colorado I used to lunch with frequently. He did nothing but ask me questions. It’s not that I’m this brilliant guy...this was just his way of conversation. I learned quite a bit about both of us.
I have a friend in Colorado I used to lunch with frequently. He did nothing but ask me questions. It’s not that I’m this brilliant guy...this was just his way of conversation. I learned quite a bit about both of us.
I had a friend like that too. Problem was, it was always just questions from him, it never ran both ways. It felt like you were in a never ending interview. I knew him for about 10 years and don't feel like I ever really got to know him.
Try this vantage point. Adam Mastroianni talks about what he calls Givers and Takers. Not sure I like the monikers, but the perspective is helpful. I'm a question asker, but I've learned to also make statements to mirror my conversation partner. Listening well means also learning how to speak in a way your partner can appreciate and understand.
Interesting read. As for the guy I knew, there was almost universal agreement among many friends that although we all like him enormously, none of us really knew what lied beneath. He and his wife were in long term counselling because of communication issues.
You definitely failed their test. No, let me rephrase that: Your actions shaped how they perceive you. I am such a person, and questioning me the same way I do just shows you're equally invested and interested in the interaction, plus you care.
I don't know - I made one of those friends too. He was always asking me questions about me, but whenever I tried to ask him questions, he always managed to turn what should have been his answers into new questions to me. Eventually I tired of this routine and withdrew. Mind you, he seemed not to go out of his way to engage me after that either. Perhaps if asked he'd say that all I did was talk about myself.
As I said, it never ran both ways. You could ask him as many questions as you liked, but there was never anything approaching an extended or revealing answer. He was a lovely guy, but I never felt as if I knew who he really was.
I have a friend in Colorado I used to lunch with frequently. He did nothing but ask me questions. It’s not that I’m this brilliant guy...this was just his way of conversation. I learned quite a bit about both of us.
I had a friend like that too. Problem was, it was always just questions from him, it never ran both ways. It felt like you were in a never ending interview. I knew him for about 10 years and don't feel like I ever really got to know him.
Try this vantage point. Adam Mastroianni talks about what he calls Givers and Takers. Not sure I like the monikers, but the perspective is helpful. I'm a question asker, but I've learned to also make statements to mirror my conversation partner. Listening well means also learning how to speak in a way your partner can appreciate and understand.
https://experimentalhistory.substack.com/p/good-conversations-have-lots-of-doorknobs?utm_campaign=mb&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_source=morning_brew
Interesting read. As for the guy I knew, there was almost universal agreement among many friends that although we all like him enormously, none of us really knew what lied beneath. He and his wife were in long term counselling because of communication issues.
You definitely failed their test. No, let me rephrase that: Your actions shaped how they perceive you. I am such a person, and questioning me the same way I do just shows you're equally invested and interested in the interaction, plus you care.
I don't know - I made one of those friends too. He was always asking me questions about me, but whenever I tried to ask him questions, he always managed to turn what should have been his answers into new questions to me. Eventually I tired of this routine and withdrew. Mind you, he seemed not to go out of his way to engage me after that either. Perhaps if asked he'd say that all I did was talk about myself.
Same with the guy I knew. You could not get him to answer a question with any kind of deep answer.
As I said, it never ran both ways. You could ask him as many questions as you liked, but there was never anything approaching an extended or revealing answer. He was a lovely guy, but I never felt as if I knew who he really was.
I have this same problem too..when I'm having conversations I ask too many questions. How do you do yours