My 9 Rules of Criticism

Advice to wannabe reviewers

Even I’m suspicious of critics, and I’m a member of the priesthood. One of my favorite movie scenes, from the film Birdman, shows Michael Keaton confronting a hostile drama critic—and saying everything artists have wanted to tell reviewers since the beginning of time.

It ain’t pretty. But he’s in trouble now, because critics always get the last word. The poor artist doesn’t have a Slurpee’s chance in hell.

You might be surprised at the amount of hate mail critics get. Or maybe you wouldn’t—perhaps you’re sending it yourself. Somebody should collect all this vitriol and put the best examples in a book. I’d call it The Critic Gets Criticized, but artists might just call it Payback.

Despite all that, critic is a great job. You get to spend your life in creative environments face-to-face with inspiring artists and soul-shaking works. You seek out greatness as your daily routine. That’s a sweet gig, even when you’re working overtime.

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Sure, the pay rate is lousy. But you get free tickets to concerts, and a few autographs along the way. There are far worse ways to earn to living. I know because I’ve had a more than a few of those jobs.

But if you pursue any vocation, you should want to do it well—criticism is no exception. So with that in mind, I offer nine suggestions below to anybody considering a career in this field.

I primarily focus on music criticism here, but these observation apply to any creative field—and to most other pursuits where criticism is practiced (in the workplace, raising children, teaching, etc.).

Let’s start at the top.