30 Ways to Revitalize Arts & Culture

This is my wish list

This is just my wish list. Nobody would ever let me implement these ideas—too much money is at stake.

But I can dream, can’t I?

I’m sure you have suggestions of your own. Please share them in the comments.

---

If you want to support my work, the best way is by taking out a premium subscription (for just $6 per month).

---

30 Steps to Revitalize Arts & Culture

Some of these recommendations may seem frivolous or outrageous. Those are the ones I like best.

1.

Super Bowl halftime should be a musical showcase for the host city. If the game is in New Orleans, let’s see the greatest New Orleans musicians. If the game is in Detroit, let Motown rule.

New Jersey has dibs on Springsteen. Houston gets Beyoncé. Minneapolis has Dylan. If Las Vegas gets the nod, bring out the hippest casino lounge acts in Sin City.

The next Super Bowl will be played at the Superdome in New Orleans

My requirements are as follows: A city can feature any artist who resides or was born within 250 miles of the stadium. Maybe I’ll allow an exception for musicians who lived in the city for at least ten years before moving elsewhere.

This would be so much more exciting than the current fare. Genuine musical rivalries would spring up between cities, and residents would learn about their own local and regional culture.

P.S. If a host city is embarrassed by its paltry music culture, maybe it should do something about it.

2.

If I’m king, I’ll require top executives of dominant music platforms to submit to a simple ear and music aptitude test:

• Can they hum back melodies after hearing them once?

• Can they play an instrument?

• Can they identify intervals and basic chords progressions by ear? (Hah!)

• Can they shake a tambourine without losing the beat?

• Can they even sing “Happy Birthday” in tune?

• Etc. etc.

There are no penalties—I am a lenient monarch—but the results will be made public. If Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, wants to dominate our music culture, let’s see if he knows bugger all about it.

Even better: Let’s televise this as a competition. It could be the dark twin of American Idol—maybe every week, we allow one or two CEOs to exit shamefully from the competition, but only after demonstrating their incompetence in front of a live audience.

After a couple of seasons of this, companies will start hiring execs who love and know music. That can’t be a bad thing.

3.

Let’s launch a National Culture Bee on the model of the National Spelling Bee and National History Bee.  If students can be rewarded for learning how to spell autochthonous, they also deserve to be rewarded for learning about novelists, philosophers, painters, saxophonists, choreographers, composers, dramatists, etc. 

4.

Community bookstores that offer at least 10 readings or community cultural events per month will qualify for non-profit status. But these must be real community bookstores—majority owned by people living in the community, and selling actual books (not jigsaw puzzles, calendars, greeting cards, etc.).

5.

All Grammy Awards will be decided by a small group of elite judges—no more than 100 or 200 of the greatest living musicians. I’m talking about people on the level of Paul McCartney, Joni Mitchell, Stevie Wonder, etc. No industry shills allowed!

The awards would immediately gain enormous credibility. Fans would pay attention to the winners.

Also, getting named a judge would become a huge honor—even bigger than winning a Grammy itself. New judges are chosen by the existing judges, who can only fill vacancies based on retirement or death.

6.

Do the same for movies, books, etc. The only way to fix the dying awards is to entrust judges who have total respect and personal authority.