20 Things They Don't Teach in Music School

Probably for a good reason

Here’s my shameful admission as a music critic: I probably spend too much time looking at the audience.

But you learn so much about music that way.

If I had a time machine, and went back to Woodstock in August 1969, I wouldn’t worry about what’s happening on stage—I can watch the movie for that. I’d be fixated on 460,000 people gathered together for an “Aquarian Exposition: 3 Days of Peace & Music.”

What in the name of Jove does that look like?

Even now I seek out lore and learning from the interstices of the music world—exploring its psychology and biology, its politics and communal effects, and (above all) its life-changing properties.

Sometimes the results are amusing. Sometimes they’re profound. They are rarely boring.

With that in mind, I’m sharing a few music lessons not taught in music school.

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The more metal bands per capita, the happier the country.

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I thought I had cool audio equipment, until I learned about the radio that keeps playing music after a nuclear attack.

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And what about the music lover who spent a million dollars on his stereo? The turntable alone weighs 1,500 pounds.

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I have an unhealthy interest in background music for shopping. I guess it’s because I’m such a firm believer in music as a source of power—but Joni Mitchell shouldn’t be forced into shilling for discounted talcum powder in aisle six.

I know others will share my interest in music playlists at The Gap. A former employee has been collecting these, and provides some examples.